Miss me folks? It's been -so- long. For the past at least week and a half, I've wanted to post. But, I've never gotten around to it. I regret it too. I had so many great things I couldve posted, for how I was feeling, how things were going...they all lost meaning and effect. But, that's what I get. Now I know this of course could be a terrible, sad, depressed post...But that's not what I, or any others want. It would be pure counter productivity. And, I don't want that. So, it won't be.
I met a really nice, interesting person recently. In fact, a couple of days ago. ^^;; She's realleh nice, and she lives in Pennsylvania. People, well very few as she said, call her Taz, or Hino Rei. ^^;; I've fun talking to her, and we seem to have a lot in common. I'm not sure...never came up. But I've yet to ask her about Games. Oh, speaking of which...Gamers out there, ( If any read this ) -Don't- get the Hobbit for Gamecube. Terribly short, easy game, with absolutely no Replay value. ^^;; I need to go and trade it in for something better..
Mnn...for now...I'ma go. I'll post much sooner though. I guess, that was a little ' Blog Vacation ' there. It'll be a while before I have a nother one. So, Take Care all. Have a good New Years, and a great 2004. Baai!
Mnn, an actual post at home...Whoosh. I'll probably get in trouble fer being online here, but my parents need to learn to be a little less closed-minded. Baka Parents...They're good people, I will not argue that...just a little...closed minded at the moment.
...The pain surging through my body right now, is nearly unbearable. I can't believe how sore I've gotten in the past like, three days...But I s'pose the lack of sleep, and the sudden surge of cold I've put myself through would be the explaination. That scrap book I've babbled about is now due in three days. e_e;; Eee...It is something I am finding hard to do, but none the less it -has- to be done. * Hangs head * I wish I could just sleep my pains away...But my body won't let me. Gah, silleh body...
Mel-chan now has a blog! ^^;; the addie is ' mel-chan.blogspot.com ' It's only just getting started, and it doesn't have all that good of a layout at the moment, but I'm going to help her with it tomorrow in ITC class. ( I really hope she doesn't mind me giving out the address...>.>; Gomen Mel-chan. But the only people who would ever read this are Aleh, and possibly Gaveh and Meag. Hee, I want more people to read this.. ) I'll be sure to add her to my links very soon, when I have more time, perhaps...
Last night, I got absolutely no sleep. I was really worried about Aleh. Her mom and her drove me home, when the roads were absolutely terrible from the snow-y blizzard type thing...Then they went to pick Mara up at Boo's, but before we left I told Aleh to call me when she got home but she didn't hear me when I said it didn't matter what time it was. So...No word from Aleh, and it was past ten o' clock. I tried phoning her, and got her grumbling father who said she wasn't home yet. Then I tried phoning her line, which -would've- been connected to her room, no answer. From here on, my mind just raced from one bad thought to the next. Eleven, still no word...My mind had now thought of every bad scenario possible...Worried sick, even tough I knew I should not have, I phone her house at eleven fourty five, -but-...I hadn't realized how poorly charged my phone was, dieing as it was ringing. Apparently her father picked it up, and found a dial tone...He then grumbled about cutting my fingers off. Anyway, I was much to worried to sleep all that night..It turns out she got home, possibly -just- after I phoned her the first time, and she didn't recieve the message I phoned, and she thought it was too late to phone me back...Hence the ' she didn't hear me when I said it didn't matter what time it was. ' v.v;; It was terrible...Now I feel worse, with no sleep in all. Gah, it was just a terrible mess of me being an over-worrying idiot...Now she feels bad for me feelng this way because she didn't phone. She -shouldn't-, but she does. Mnn.
Mnn, I am so very, very not looking foreward to friday. I wish I could go with you Aleh...I really do. I just wish I could comfort you in some way. v.v;; Something I just can't do, it seems. But now, I need to be going, I need to work on my Scrap book, and hopefully finish it by friday. All those who read this wish me luck!
Mnn...Quick ITC drop in, just to keep you people up to date...even though, I think the only people who read this may be Aleh, Gaveh, and Meag-chan. >.>;; That's okey, maybe someday new people'll start coming.
I'm not quite sure what to write...there are a lot of things...I -should- say, but..none of them I actually -can-. Happiness is almost in our reach, but anytime I extend a helping hand it's swatted away in an attempt of independency. And even if they know that by doing so, they doom themselves being in the darkness for much longer than they should be... Even though I know this may sound like ranting, it's not meant to be. >.>;; It's just, when I see two people, doing the exact same thing, and neither of them realizes the other...I feel as though I should be helping them both understand. If I could just clarify this one thing, then they both would be so much happier. But both they and I know, that it's meddling...And I don't want to meddle in something I'm not wanted to. It -is- hard though, watching both suffer, for reason that can be helped. But they both have such stubborn spirits and kind hearts, they refuse to realize. v.v;; I am going to stop this...little rant-ish thing I have going, for fear that I am over reacting. >.>;;
In one of my courses, ' Family Living '( ...'s basically Health ), We have the big ' Self-awareness Scrapbook ' thing due next Friday...We've had a month to work on it but, being the lazy procrastinator I am only the cover is done. I'm going to try to work on it veraciously this weekend, but I'm not quite sure how much I'll get done. With the amount of stuff on my mind, and the amount of worrying I'll be doing, it's going to hard. It's really strange, I've been worrying since yesterday afternoon and I was showing quite a bit at home, I usually don't...But Mother, she seemed...to care. She reassured me, and she just, cared. It was very unusual, my parents usually just don't bother with my feelings or me in general sometimes. But, I wish there was some way I could comfort Aly. And there doesn't seem to be one. I know how worried and scared she is, I just wish, there was some way I could there for her more. Some way I could help... That doesn't seem to likely until after next Friday. I can only hope for the best, and just be there anytime she needs to talk. And I hope she doesn't refrain from doing so in fear it may damage or hurt me in some way. I am only here to help and be there for her... I know she has held back, she did so last night, but i refuse to push anything out of her, and I respect whether she thinks it's for me to hear or not. Just know Aleh, I -am- here, day or night, just don't hold back, okey?
Mnn...This actually wasn't that quick at all... It's actually taken most of my ITC Class. ^^;; Tis a crappy class in the first place. The teacher...she's horrible at Teaching anything about computers. She's also Aleh's Great Aunt?...I think. She's a good person...just a terrible teacher. But, I'm still sorry for saying so about a relative Aleh-sama. Gomen-ne, Aleh-sama! So...I think I'm done. For all those who read this...Take Care!
For all you who want to avoid this, do so. It's just me, venting a little while in ITC Class, but...It does get more positive near the end. So, enjoy?
< School Rant >
Mnn. It's December already. It seems time has been flying ever since I became friends with Aleh and Mel and the rest of the group. But, it also seems as this endless flow of time passes on, it feels as if...it is passing me by. I am not quite sure how to elaborate on this, but it is just sort of how I feel. Like I'm drowning in the river of time, and losing all hope in ever getting out. If only I could slow things down, and think them through, before I do them, maybe I could stop making so many stupid mistakes. It just seems to be getting harder not to, and the mistakes being made, are hurting those around me, more and more. And...Without Gaveh's council, I am not sure what I am to do. For the past year, it was -him- who saved me, and pulled me from the darkness...And now, he's abandoned me, left me to try and find my way out of this on my own. I know that there is always Aleh and Mel, but some things, I can't tell them. There has been a problem I've been ignoring for a long time, and...I though it went away. I figured I'd gotten over it. But now it's come back, threefold and it's something I can't ignore anymore. But I don't have him to help. I know I am sounding very co-dependent and self-centered right now, but it's how I feel. And, even so I will be sending Gaveh's Christmas present as soon as I get an international stamp. I know it won't get there by Christmas, but he'll still get it none the less. And whether I talk to him or not by then, I hope it helps him realize that I -do- love him, true and sincere.
Aleh. She's been talking on the phone so much with me the last few weeks. And ye, I -still- don't understand why. I could not be -that- fun to talk to. I know that there is another she would rather talk to more...it's just harder for her. Makes me feel like a last resort, even though I know it isn't true. She's even been going out of her way to talk to me. Until last week, she would stay up late, just to talk me to sleep, for it was the only way I could find any. But, my phone has now been limited, and I'm not allowed on after 10...I still am, of course. And now, with Mara living with her, my time I used to have, to talk to -just- Aleh has been limited more. Like, on the bus. The past to mornings I've felt terrible, for an undisclosed reason, even she doesn't quite know yet, but I've been looking for a shoulder to cry on. Someone to lean against and just...talk to. But I can't even find that anymore, since Mara's been sitting with Aleh. So what limited phone time I have with her, is usually talking her to sleep. She apparently finds something calming in my voice...o-O;; It's just, calming for her to know that someone else is on the other end of the phone line, even if no words are spoken, I can understand that. Crazy girl. Even Mel has been phoning me...Well, she -phoned- me. ^-^;; She's kawaii on the phone. I am really glad that I have two friends, who care -so- much, constantly around me. And hopefully...Gaveh and I will straighten this out before Christmas...Maybe then, the holiday'll be better for both of us.
< /sr >
Well, that l'il ITC class rant has ended. All who even read this, Take Care!